Just who IS Michelle Lee Nastasis?
One side of her is a dreamer/gambler/idealist. The other side is conservative/practical and seeks stability/security. My challenge is to learn to have the best of both worlds.
I also have difficulty dealing with, not only my personal emotions, but others as well. I sometimes appear to others as emotionally self-sufficient, but I tend to deny my true feelings, often at great physical risk to myself. My outward appearance and manner give the impression of being open minded and fair, but when I make up my mind to do something, I'm a real bulldozer!!!!
People see me as a natural diplomat, reasonable tolerant and fair. I DO have a strong desire for balance and harmony in my life. It goes for everything from my house to the style of clothes I wear. I've been told I'm an agreeable, smooth and "nice" person. My personal motto is "you catch more flies with honey, than vinegar".
Yes, I'm an intensely proud individual. I love wholeheartedly and give my love generously. If I have a major fault (and I KNOW I do), I tend to be egocentric and more concerned with the impression I'm making and forget my own self-expression. Do I need to be spontaneous? Hell, YES I do!!!! Do I give a flip what others think of my being Trans???? Hell NO!!!!
Am I uncomfortable with emotional dependency?? YES
Do I do something because it "feels" right to me? YES, again...
Do I have an amorous streak??? YES and it's difficult for me to go very long WITHOUT finding someone. When I do find someone, I've been known to pursue them with a great deal of zest and passion. (Ask my wife Sue Rudisill-Nastasis) I also have an extreme desire for and to express the beauty I see and what I now feel within as Michelle.
Am I a perfectionist? Of course I am. Hell, I go NOWHERE now WITHOUT my makeup looking just so - EVEN WHEN WEARING JEANS AND FLATS!!!!
One of my worst traits is that I tend to be TOO SERIOUS and have difficulty making light conversation with people.
Instinctively, I'm a fighter and can stand alone on my soapbox when called for. Social skills do not come easy for me. Another area I REALLY struggle with is my personal fears and demons. I don't share these easily and keep a lot of them hidden for public view.
As a lot of my friends know, I'm a very gifted storyteller and entertainer with them as well.
Sexuality. Oh brother now THIS is a can of worms. I have a tendency to come on strong with my relationships and do have a possessive side at times as well.
Some of my peers, myself included in this grouping, have had or do have battles with drugs/alcohol and depression. In my case, I battled alcohol for over 40 years and have now been sober for 12+ years. Depression. This is a battle that has nearly claimed my life 4 times since I started my transition in April 2008. I know this will be a never ending fight. With proper medication and counselling, this fight can be fought to a draw.
So there you have it. Did I answer your questions or raise more? If I raised more - GREAT!!!! If I answered the question 'Who is Michelle Lee Nastasis' - Better still.